Jacob at the Jabbok

The same night he got up and took his two wives, his two maids, and his eleven children, and crossed the ford of the Jabbok.  He took them and sent them across the stream, and likewise everything that he had.  Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until daybreak.  When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he struck him on the hip socket; and Jacob's hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him.  Then he said, "Let me go, for the day is breaking." But Jacob said, "I will not let you go, unless you bless me."  So he said to him, "What is your name?" And he said, "Jacob."  Then the man said, "You shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans, and have prevailed."  Then Jacob asked him, "Please tell me your name." But he said, "Why is it that you ask my name?" And there he blessed him.  So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life is preserved."  The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip.  (Gen 32: 22-31)

One of the challenges for me in this journey of discipleship is realizing that if I acknowledge that life itself is a gift of God, then all of life is a gift.  To use theological terms - all is grace.  But if I acknowledge that, it really does mean ALL of life - joys, blessings, triumphs, sadness, loss, tragedy.  All is grace.  All?  Really?  I wrestle with that.  It challenges me on several levels.

Overall, I have lived a pretty charmed life.  But I have not exactly been a stranger to tragedy, either.  I experienced a major trauma in my life when I was 18.  Years later, I can identify the blessings that God has wrought out of that trauma.  They are amazing and many.  The tough part of the journey is seeing grace in the trauma itself.  Yet it is, in fact, into the very darkest moments of our lives - up to and including death itself  - that we encounter Jesus. 

I attended a retreat just over a year ago and we talked about this concept of all being gift.  We acknowledged that there are all sorts of gifts in life - unexpected, unwarranted, unwanted, unwelcome.  Certainly, sadness, loss, tragedy would all be unwanted & unwelcome gifts.   Yet, it occurs to me that every experience in my life has shaped my ability to love and trust God, and helped me grow more fully into the image of Christ - including the difficult experiences.  Perhaps especially the difficult experiences. 

PENIEL*

Alone in the desert, wrestling comes.

Hips are displaced.  Names are changed.

Blessing comes and God is seen

face-to-face.

Nothing is ever the same again.

And yet my life has been preserved.

ALL IS GRACE!

Jacob at the Jabbok.

Do broken hips bring blessings

or blessings broken hips?

Or is, perhaps, the broken hip the blessing?

THE UNWANTED GIFT:  Unwanted, unwelcome. unwarranted - and I am grace-filled and unwilling to refuse it.

ALL IS GRACE!

May you be grace-filled.

PK(+)

*  "Peniel" is an original poem composed by Kathleen Suggitt Feb 2010.