Part of the challenge of doing ministry is finding the balance between our own human brokenness and the expectations of people that a Pastor be the "model of the godly life." Sometimes it is more challenging than others. And of course there are those people who are more comfortable with the reality of pastor as a human being than others. The 'collision points' between the unrealistic expectations and the reality of ourselves as sinful humans can be a little tense, a little more than tense, or downright humorous.
One of my first such collision points occurred after a weekly Bible study. I admit that prior to becoming a pastor there were a couple of words in my vocabulary that were rather ... unpastor-like. I worked very hard to purge them from my vocabulary by the time I reached the parish. Successfully so, I might add. One day after a Bible study something very frustrating happened that got my Irish up. I was in my office and on my cell phone talking to a friend. Ironically, (or perhaps typically) I do not remember what it was. I do remember that I used a euphemism for the f-bomb, commenting that I found the situation at hand "freaking frustrating." A couple of days later, one of the persons in the study came to me and said that she was sure that I didn't realize I had done it, but as she was leaving the building she passed by my office and heard me use the word "freaking" - TWICE. She suggested that it was inappropriate and that if it were one of her kids she would tell them the same thing she was telling me. I needed to find a different word. At first I was embarrassed at being treated like a child. Then I was frustrated. I suppose I should have had my door closed, but it WAS a private conversation. Then it became HUMOROUS! I was being asked to find a euphemism for a euphemism! Really? I made the appropriate apologies and have been more careful ever since. I ALWAYS close my door when I am on the phone now.
The other one that stands out was more ironic than purely humorous, but it still makes me laugh. In the midst of a very contentious time in the congregation, there was an individual who was being particularly difficult - harassing me and other leaders, being a general nuisance, and bullying. One particular day, he took it upon himself to measure the chancel area - 5 minutes before I had a worship service scheduled. I do not even remember the conversation, but I know that I was trying to keep it short since I needed to get ready for worship. Later I found out that he had gone to our council president and complained that I had been short with him that morning. The council president was great in handling it and we both had a chuckle over the idea of someone who had been bullying and terrorizing the leadership in order to get his way, actually being offended because I was short with him when he was getting in the way of worship. Some days are just bad days. At least I didn't drop the "freaking" word on him! Now THAT would have been scandalous.
I think the point in all of this is that it is not always easy for us blooming disciples to find the balance between being human and being the "model of the godly life." And it is not any easier just because one happens to be called into ministry.
During the process of seminary and the road to ordination, one of the multitude of forms we had to complete asked whether we considered pastors to be "human, just like everyone else" or "should be a model of the godly life." To be fair, we actually could choose someplace on a continuum between the two. The thing is, I wanted to check BOTH. Yes, pastors ARE ... human like everyone else and YES they should be a model of the godly life. We all should.
The thing is - we are all, to use Luther's phrase, simul iustus et peccator - simultaneously justified and sinful. Baptism puts us in right relationship with God and forgives our sins. It does not make us any less human or sinful. THAT will not happen until the day when Christ comes again. In the meantime, there will be bad days, bad words, and the ever-challenging search for balance. That is part of what it means to be a blooming disciple.
Thankfully, the Holy Spirit is working in us the new life of Christ.
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| BE BALANCED! |
May you bloom with new creation, as the Spirit of Life brings balance to bad days and bad words.
Peace -
PK
That was "freaking" great! I loved it!
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