First Love

God and I go way back.  No pun intended.  Some of my earliest memories of childhood are sneaking out to the swing set, swinging all by myself and telling God ‘stories’ about my day, my family, whatever was in my heart.  I would  swing and sing my heart out - quite literally.  Later, in early elementary school years, I was always writing ‘love poems’ to God. As a child, God was such real part of my life that it was almost like we were best friends. 

As I grew up, I was taught a great deal about God.  Important stuff, but very intellectual stuff.  I also learned how to be a good church person.  Sometimes, I found that there could be a disconnect between the institution of the church and who I believed this God to be. It was an ongoing frustration for me.

When I left for seminary almost 9 years ago, a friend cautioned me not to let 'them' "suck the joy" out of me.  They were referring to that child-like faith that could cause me to dance in the Spirit during worship, which was part of my grown-up version of swinging and singing my heart out.  Periodically, in the past 5 years of ministry, that friend has bemoaned the fact that my joy in the Lord seems to be missing.

Recently, my friend Amy and I were sharing our childhood expeiences of faith.  She noted that while I was singing and writing love poems to Jesus, she was playing church - lining up her dolls and stuffed animals and singing the liturgy to them.  We have had numerous conversations about the difference between loving God and playing church.

As many of the mainline Christian denominations are wrestling with what it means to be the church - the body of Christ - in the 21st century, I think that part of the issue can be found in my friend Amy & my conversations about our childhood faith.  I think that perhaps the institutions of the church have become so comfortable through the first three-quarters of the 20th century, that they became complacent and in a sense lost their first love.  Energy and resources are funneled into ways of maintaining the status quo, or reclaiming the good old days. Unfortunately,  I think we have become very good at playing church when what people really need is an authentic encounter with the risen Lord.

As leaders in the church, we MUST stop looking for the newest fad, program, or initiative that will 'fix' our declining congregations.  There is no program, or fad, or twelve-step process that will re-vitalize our congregations or denominations.  Only the Holy Spirit is able to do that.  The Holy Spirit can spark faith and reveal to us and a hurting world the real presence of Jesus Christ.  In order to do that, we must find our way again.  We must discover our first love - Jesus Christ and the Word of grace and life that can be found only there.  It will not be the same as playing church has been for the past century.   On the other hand, it may be a movement of the Spirit so authentically centered in the cross of Christ that we once again have something to share with the world that actually inspires and transforms.

God and I have had our wrestling matches over the years.  I am stubborn and impatient.  There were times when I felt the absence of the God of my childhood – the ever-present God with whom I shared my whole heart and being.  What I have realized is that each wrestling match has only served – eventually – to draw me deeper and deeper in love with God.  In fact, I find with each passing day that my deepening faith is bringing me back to the God of my childhood, who neither changed nor moved, but only waited patiently and lovingly for me to fall in love over and over again.

Perhaps, if the institutions of the church can rediscover their first love, they can find their way again.  Because the church - the body of Christ - will not be confined or hindered by human institutions who have gotten lost along the way "playing church." 

May we all continue to be found by the One who brings life out of death, and find ourselves remembering our first love.

Blessings -
PK