Raspberries and Reconciliation

Five years ago yesterday I was ordained as a pastor.  Shortly thereafter, I began my first (and so far ONLY) call in a congregation.  In all honesty, the congregation had a reputation as being decidedly hard on clergy.  Because I was an older, second-career pastor and hopefully a little bit seasoned, there were people that felt I was a good candidate for this call.  I am now convinced that the Spirit was well and truly at work in the process, although I would not always have said so. 

At any rate, it was a recipe custom created for tapping into my near-pathological drive for perfection and resistance to failure.  I made my share of first-call pastor mistakes. (For the record, age and 'real-world' experience do not immunize one against those.)  Combine first-call pastor enthusiasm with a tenacious Celtic spirit and add in a little over-zealous drive to do well and well - yeah, it wasn't always pretty.  The landscape of a challenging congregation in a small community is littered with landmines and I found just about all of them.  I am lucky to still have limbs.

Early on in my journey with the congregation, a number of people took issue with my style of leadership and my gender.  Many ended up finding other communities in which to worship.  One person, in particular had a very difficult time with those qualities.  Over time, things became untenable for that person and in the midst of misunderstandings, miscommunication, and mishap they left the congregation.  We both contributed our share of fuel to the fire that had apparently burned bridges.  I tried to leave the door to conversation open, but eventually, I went on about congregational life having adopted a bit of an out-of-sight-out-of mind attitude.  I held no grudge, but also made no further effort to reconcile.

Imagine my surprise to call home from a meeting and hear from my husband that this person had dropped by the house on a summer evening bearing a half gallon of ice cream and an equal quantity of freshly-picked red raspberries.  A peace offering, they said.  The news brought tears to my eyes.

Later, when I called to say "thank you" we both apologized and asked forgiveness for the things we had done and said that wounded.  Will we be close?  Probably not.  But because we were able to ask for, give, and receive forgiveness we are reconciled to one another.  Make no mistake about it - this was not an achievement of human might and power.  It was an offering of humility and vulnerability made possible in Christ and through the Holy Spirit. I am decidedly grateful that one of us was able to be the initial instrument of the reconciling work of the Holy Spirit.  That made it possible for both of us to experience the Spirit's reconciling work.

For those of you who wonder if or where God is at work in the world - it is through moments like this.  We have been reconciled to God through and in Jesus Christ.  That reconciling love flows like a waterfall into our lives and through them to others.   We can experience reconciliation with God in the sacraments of the church - baptism, the Lord's Supper.   But it needs to spill over into the daily fabric of our lives.   And in my book - for this week, at least - nothing spells reconciliation like a little ice cream and raspberries on a summer evening.


Raspberries - an unofficial fruit of the Spirit.

Having been reconciled, may we bear fruit and be reconciling in the world.

Peace -
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Hello? Is that you, God?

...  lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. ² Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. ³ Always keep yourselves united in the Holy Spirit, and bind yourselves together with peace.  (Eph 4:1b-3  NLT)

I have been spending a fair amount of time lately reflecting on the concept of call.  When each of us is baptized, we are called to new life; a life lived in the Spirit and conformed to Christ.  What we do with our lives is all part and parcel of our baptismal calling.  It will play out differently for each of us.  Many of us think that God's calling in our lives involves something out of the ordinary, or perhaps even a calling to a religious vocation - after all, pastors talk about being 'called' to the ministry.

In truth, God's call to us comes in so many more simple and common ways.  The other day my spiritual director was telling me about her nephew.  He made the observation that so many of his co-workers couldn't wait to get away from their families and it puzzled him.  In contrast, he noted that he couldn't wait to get home to his family at the end of the day and even though he was tired, his greatest delights were the times he was able to spend with his three children.  He concluded - "I think I am called to be a father."  I suspect that he was quite correct about that - and so did his aunt, the nun.

That is the way our calls from God are.  Calls to be in relationship with others in ways that reflect and express our Creator's own love.  Relationships of intimacy and self-giving love that are played out of the fields of every day life.  Reading a bedtime story to our children.  Taking extra time with a student in our classroom.  Visiting our friends or neighbors who are hospitalized or homebound.  Each of these small acts of human kindness are love in action and they are responses to God's baptismal calls in our lives.

In that same conversation with my spiritual director we discussed my own discernment about my calling - as a pastor, yes, but also as a child of God first and foremost.  I was struck by her challenge to me.  "Open yourself up to what God is calling you to do each day and each moment," she said.  "In reality the moment is all we have in which to live."  I have been sitting with that notion for a few days now.  I am finding a newly discovered sense of delight and purpose in discerning every moment what God is calling me to do.  What I know is that is really not as tough as it may sound.  God's call is always first and foremost to love.  So any time an opportunity to act in love toward others presents itself in the common, ordinary fabric and moments of my life, I know that the Spirit is calling me.


The least, the last, the lost, the lonely, and the ones we called loved ones - we have only to look into their eyes and see Christ. In every moment, every decision, and every choice that comprises the fabric of our days we can listen for God's call.  Discernment about the little things is relatively uncomplicated.  When the opportunity is clearly an opportunity to love and/or serve others then ... Hello ... God is calling.

Make you discover the delight in the call of the moment.
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Glad and Generous Hearts

Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and should give generously to those in need, always being ready to share with others whatever God has given them.  (1Timothy 6:18)

Recently I have had regular occasions to consider what it means to be generous.   I have noticed an interesting phenomenon.  Often it seems as though those who have the least are actually the most ready to share with those in need.  It is an easy explanation to say that it is because they know what it is like to do without, and I agree that is the case.  But there is something unique about this characteristic of generosity that makes me smile and assures me the the Spirit is well at work in the world.

Anyone can give to those in need.  Wealthy individuals like Bill Gates and Sam Walton can and do make large donations to a variety of worthy charitable causes.  Most people I know couldn't approach that level of financial giving.  In fact, I suspect that all of the people I know combined cannot make that large of a monetary donation.  So I am very grateful for exceedingly wealthy people who support charities and worthy causes.  Our society is greatly enriched through their charitable giving.

But I am awed and amazed by a different kind of giving.  There is a woman in our congregation about whom I often say she never met an opportunity for helping those in need that she didn't like.  She gives of her time and her abilities and her finances with such a sense of joy that it is infectious.  And she is not alone.  I never cease to be awed and inspired by the people in the congregation who have just enough to get by, and who will express their utter delight at finding sales at the stores so that they can pick up extras for the community food pantry, pregnancy center, you name it.  While many of us are looking at clearance and  "buy-one-get-one-free" sales as an opportunity to stock our pantries for the ever-nebulous "just in case", they see them as an opportunity to buy more to give away.  That is what I call GENEROSITY.

It is also a work of the Holy Spirit.  Generosity is not a matter of how much is given, but rather of the readiness to share what one has and the joy with which one does so.  That kind of readiness and joy are matters of the heart and soul.  They flow out of a life transformed by the Holy Spirit to be conformed to Christ.  They are a sharing of love and faith and hope - love for others, faith in God's provision, and hope in the promise of a community that cares for one another in all circumstances and from all circumstances.

Our society needs wealthy donors who can support the arts, build museums, hospital wings, college campus buildings. But I'll take a community full of generous folks who take delight in getting an extra box of cereal for free so that they have some to share ANY DAY.  Generosity is infectious and a generous community of common, everyday people can transform lives and the world.  That is when we get a glimpse of the reign of God happening right here and now.  That - as surely as a faith community gathered around the communion table in worship - is a foretaste of the feast to come.

When have you experience generosity lately?  Did you notice the delight?

May you have glad and generous hearts.
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p.s. - If you find a "buy-one-get-one-free" sale, may you shop till you drop and then drop your savings into the lives of those in need.  The delight will amaze you and just may infect others.

HEADING for the SURFACE

I cannot believe that it has been six weeks since I have made a blog post.  I am even more surprised that there have actually been folks reading it in the last 6 weeks in spite of no new posts.  I was prepared to check to see if anyone had been viewing, delete it, and start over.  Instead, I find myself with the challenge of returning to the surface - getting my head above water.

I won't bore anyone with the reasons or details, but life took a subtle but challenging turn of events a couple of months ago - just before Easter, and I found myself completely overwhelmed in almost every aspect of my life.  I ended up drained and drowning - physically, emotionally and spiritually. 

"Out of the depths, I cry to you, O Lord."  (Psalm 130:1)

I am not a scuba diver and I have never played one on TV or anywhere else.  In fact, I am actually a little afraid of the water, and thus am not even a very good swimmer.  However, I have learned from some friends who are that when you are diving in the depths and it is time to return to the surface, it is critical to take your time and pause periodically or decompression sickness - the bends - can be a real hazard.  Re-surfacing too quickly can be deadly.

I think that is true of our spiritual lives as well.  Admittedly, it was a rough couple of months.  But the worst of the craziness was wrapped up and done with by mid-May.  I was ready to get back at it full-force.  In fact, I kept trying to get back at it full-force only to find myself repeatedly slowed down.  Some days I felt like a student driver with an instructor in the passenger seat who was perpetually applying the brakes.  What I have come to see with 20-20 hindsight that I was riding with God in the driver's seat and God was setting a pace that allowed me to come out of the depths and re-engage in way that kept me spiritually, emotionally, and physically healthy.

I will admit that the slow re-entry is not always easy for me.  It isn't for many people.  Plus, we are not very patient with God's kairos time.  Our society has taught us that such things are unproductive and inefficient.  I suspect that the truth is we just are not all that comfortable dwelling with pain - especially emotional or spiritual pain.  We can, and often will, brag about our capacity to withstand extreme levels of physical pain.  Emotional and spiritual pain we seem to want to avoid, deny, or 'get over' just as quickly as possible.

Yet I will admit that in the dark, dreary, and exhausted moments when I just knew I should be back going full-tilt at 150%, I discovered a quiet peace and strength.  While I was trying to rush head-long back into the hectic life that had run me right to the deepest depths, the Spirit was busy drawing me into an embrace of love and mercy and grace.  While I was thinking of everything that I could or should be DOING, the Spirit was inviting me to repeated and extended times of just BEING.  I discovered that I was adrift in a sea of love.

I have long appreciated the verse from Psalm 46 "Be still and know that I am God." I am not sure that I have ever truly experienced it as fully as I have in the past 6-8 weeks.  What I have learned is that sometimes experiencing the awe, wonder, and life-giving presence of the Spirit happens more fully in the ascent from the depths that it does from the peaks of glorious mountaintop experiences.  I suppose that should not be surprising when I consider that the very image of God's love for God's world is an instrument of Roman torture and an empty grave.

I am finding delight in my days and even in my depths - as odd and perverse as that sounds.  My head and torso are above water now, but my feet are still trying to find purchase.  I am okay with that.  I'll still call out of the depths to God.  But while God is pacing my ascent, I'll just keep kicking.  I may never learn to scuba dive or even swim any better.  But floating in the sea of the Spirit is a pretty darned amazing place to be.

Be at peace wherever you are.  And if you find yourself in the depths and calling out to God, ascend as slowly as God allows you.  You may just discover that you are not drowning at all, but drifting in a sea of love.

Shalom -

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TALES FROM THE TRENCHES: 10 DAYS

Ten days:  in the middle of them - Holy Week and Resurrection Sunday, and 5 funerals (including one for a close family member).  So much good news to share, so many beautiful God moments upon which to reflect. 

As soon as I catch my breath, (Sunday and one more funeral to go) I will share some pilgrim moments with you all.

Until then - bloom and blossom.  Christ is RISEN.  He is risen, INDEED!

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TALES FROM THE TRENCHES: Out of the Mouths of Babes ...

One of the true joys for me in ministry is interacting with the young children in our congregation.  Perhaps it is because I am just a child at heart myself and have never quite grown up, but I seem to be a real big hit with the 3-5 year olds.  We have several children in that age range and when they are in worship, I never know what to expect.  It keeps me flexible and usually fills me with delight. 

When one young lady accompanies her parents forward to receive communion, she generally has to tell me something about her attire, expecting the appropriate expression of admiration from me.  She is also insistent that she gets to dip her hand in the baptismal font in remembrance of her baptism.  She has been giving me 'blessings' for over a year now and recently has begun granting the same privilege to her younger brother. 

I have a couple of toddlers who aren't happy (or quiet) unless they can explore the front of the nave and chancel.  I have learned that the best thing to do is invite them to take my hand and stand with me while I say prayers, creed, or whatever.  It helps parents relax, the kids' have their curiosity satisfied, and who knows. maybe someone will grow up feeling at home leading worship and consider a call to ministry.

However, I am learning something very important from my young congregants; something more than just to be flexible.  In spite of occasional appearances to the contrary,they LISTEN during worship.  And they do not miss a trick.  One Sunday in a sermon I was referring to our human tendency to be a little obstinate and sinful and I referred to us humans as "knuckleheads."  From the rear of the nave comes a small voice loudly and very clearly -  "Knuckleheads?  She said knuckleheads!"  No one in the congregation has forgotten that day, nor are they ever going to let me forget it. 

This morning however I heard two really great ones.  According to his mother, one of my young guys was with his family at a funeral visitation recently.  When his mom went to leave him in the toy room and join the family in the viewing room, he was fine with her leaving.  Then he said, "Hey, Mom!  If God comes down come and get me."  No one is quite sure where that came from, but he is obviously getting something out of church.  He's expecting God to come down and, by golly, he wants to be ready!

The other one is classic and may change the way I lead worship.  I remember the old days when we used to begin the proper preface with the words, "It is indeed mete, right, and salutary ..."  I imagine that these days very few people other than church leaders know what mete and salutary even mean.  Now in recent years, the language has been changed.  It is more accessible and understandable.  We begin, "It is indeed right, our duty and our joy ..."  Indeed, much more understandable.  Why even a 4 year old can understand it.  I know this because after worship his grandmother informed me that he was definitely paying attention.  He heard those words, nudged grandma and joyfully proclaimed, "Hey Grandma, Pastor Katie did her duty."    Yeah ... I don't think that was exactly what the liturgists had in mind.  But it is good to know that my young friend thinks that I am ... hmmm... regular!  I honestly may have to go back to the "mete, right, and salutary" because I am not sure I can say it the other way with a straight face ever again.!!!

Yeah - be careful what you say in worship, or anywhere else for that matter, because those kids do not miss a thing. 

Jesus said to let the little children come, and so I will ... that, too, is a duty and a joy!

Blessings -
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First Love

God and I go way back.  No pun intended.  Some of my earliest memories of childhood are sneaking out to the swing set, swinging all by myself and telling God ‘stories’ about my day, my family, whatever was in my heart.  I would  swing and sing my heart out - quite literally.  Later, in early elementary school years, I was always writing ‘love poems’ to God. As a child, God was such real part of my life that it was almost like we were best friends. 

As I grew up, I was taught a great deal about God.  Important stuff, but very intellectual stuff.  I also learned how to be a good church person.  Sometimes, I found that there could be a disconnect between the institution of the church and who I believed this God to be. It was an ongoing frustration for me.

When I left for seminary almost 9 years ago, a friend cautioned me not to let 'them' "suck the joy" out of me.  They were referring to that child-like faith that could cause me to dance in the Spirit during worship, which was part of my grown-up version of swinging and singing my heart out.  Periodically, in the past 5 years of ministry, that friend has bemoaned the fact that my joy in the Lord seems to be missing.

Recently, my friend Amy and I were sharing our childhood expeiences of faith.  She noted that while I was singing and writing love poems to Jesus, she was playing church - lining up her dolls and stuffed animals and singing the liturgy to them.  We have had numerous conversations about the difference between loving God and playing church.

As many of the mainline Christian denominations are wrestling with what it means to be the church - the body of Christ - in the 21st century, I think that part of the issue can be found in my friend Amy & my conversations about our childhood faith.  I think that perhaps the institutions of the church have become so comfortable through the first three-quarters of the 20th century, that they became complacent and in a sense lost their first love.  Energy and resources are funneled into ways of maintaining the status quo, or reclaiming the good old days. Unfortunately,  I think we have become very good at playing church when what people really need is an authentic encounter with the risen Lord.

As leaders in the church, we MUST stop looking for the newest fad, program, or initiative that will 'fix' our declining congregations.  There is no program, or fad, or twelve-step process that will re-vitalize our congregations or denominations.  Only the Holy Spirit is able to do that.  The Holy Spirit can spark faith and reveal to us and a hurting world the real presence of Jesus Christ.  In order to do that, we must find our way again.  We must discover our first love - Jesus Christ and the Word of grace and life that can be found only there.  It will not be the same as playing church has been for the past century.   On the other hand, it may be a movement of the Spirit so authentically centered in the cross of Christ that we once again have something to share with the world that actually inspires and transforms.

God and I have had our wrestling matches over the years.  I am stubborn and impatient.  There were times when I felt the absence of the God of my childhood – the ever-present God with whom I shared my whole heart and being.  What I have realized is that each wrestling match has only served – eventually – to draw me deeper and deeper in love with God.  In fact, I find with each passing day that my deepening faith is bringing me back to the God of my childhood, who neither changed nor moved, but only waited patiently and lovingly for me to fall in love over and over again.

Perhaps, if the institutions of the church can rediscover their first love, they can find their way again.  Because the church - the body of Christ - will not be confined or hindered by human institutions who have gotten lost along the way "playing church." 

May we all continue to be found by the One who brings life out of death, and find ourselves remembering our first love.

Blessings -
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